But their eyes were kept from recognizing him.” I’m taken by how Jesus, in this scene, seems much more intent on being present and asking questions than immediately solving any mysteries: “‘What is this conversation which you are holding with each other as you walk?’” he asked. As the two men journey seven miles from Jerusalem, we are told “Jesus himself drew near and went with them. My mind flashes to the biblical story of the walk to Emmaus in Luke 24. A recent prayer ended with a plea to make well-wishers “tongues heavy so that they don’t try to make me feel better but instead just hear me.” Elizabeth is co-authoring a book, to be published by Eerdmans, called Irreverent Prayers: On Talking to God When You’re Seriously Sick, and her current Lenten practice is writing a new prayer each morning, a prayer I am honored she shares with me. My friend Elizabeth, who has cancer and recently had a lung removed, would agree with Lamott. In Hallelujah Anyway: Rediscovering Mercy, Anne Lamott recommends that in addition to simply showing up for our friends during hard times, an even bigger gift is avoiding “snappy answers.” If they just allow me to feel conflicted and confused.” When I inquired as to whether she was finding support, she nodded, and talked about her different experiences with counselors, friends, and pastors: “It’s easier,” she said through her tears, “if they don’t just tell me it’s okay. The other day, a friend opened up and shared a heavy burden with me. I also freely admit that I often find myself listening to respond, rather than truly hearing. It’s doubly so if they pause quietly for a moment before answering.”Ĭalling the act of listening a miracle may seem like hyperbole, but I can attest to how it changes the tenor of a room and the hearts within it. The handbook for a recent session said: “In today’s culture of polarization and outrage, it’s a real miracle when someone listens carefully and humbly to another person. My intention is to listen well and respond sparingly with honesty and vulnerability-without the objective of convincing anyone of my opinion. Each Wednesday night for several weeks I sat around a table with twelve others to discuss a topic in which we do not agree. My most intentional listening practice has come via participation in a Colossians Way group at my church. This calling feels even higher when we consider that research shows the average person listens at about 25% efficiency. In addition to the feedback from my sons, the overwhelming message the Holy Spirit seems bent on teaching me is that one of the greatest ways to love my neighbor is to ask good questions and then shut up long enough to let them talk. I’m still trying-one of my resolutions was to ask more questions and be a better listener. Statistics show that most of us, if we made New Year’s resolutions, have forgotten them by now. “It’s ok,” he texted back, “I don’t really like talking anyway.” ![]() I also thanked him and added simply that I’ll try to do better. This response hit a little harder, and I could immediately visualize how often I’m more intent on telling him what to think than allowing him space to process. The 13-year-old wrote, “Sometimes you talk over me when I’m trying to talk.” This will be his last year in my house before heading off to college. I thanked him but did not make any promises to change. ![]() (They are of the generation that thinks talking on the phone is very weird.) The 17-year-old replied right away, “Sometimes you’re too emotional, but that’s just a personal thing.” Since I was out of town, I texted my two oldest children. Ask them: ‘what is one thing that is getting in the way of our relationship?’ Ask, listen, don’t argue or defend, and then say thank you.” At a leadership training event I attended in January, we were invited to: “talk to someone you love tonight.
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